Doctor Whos Greatest Adventure
by Mrawesomesstrax
Summary: What happens when our favorite Time Lord goes where he never has before? When The Doctor and Rose find themselves in different realities from T.V, Books, Movies, and Video Games, is it real? Or is it something greater at work here? Written in the Doctors POV.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first Fanfic, I am trying to get better so please don't juge me to harshly! Critizism ecepted! C: 3

People call me The Doctor, I am alien form Gallifrey I have two hearts and am 900 years old. This is an story of my adventures.

I was driving the TARDIS and Rose looked at me und said "Im bored lets go somewere fun" so I said "ok were should we go?" I asked smiling. Rose thoght a moment before saying "I want to go see CASSANDRA agian so I can punch that bitch in the face!" she said deviously. I laghed and smiled, Rosa was so funny, "okay le'ts do it" I said cheerfully (get you're mind out of the gutter!). So I set the tardis to go to the future. The TADRIS wirred and shook and wenn it stoped we got out.

The nasty bitch Cassandra was there so me and Rose got out and ran up to her "fuck you bithc!" Rose and me shouted and punched Cassandra in here dumb ugly mouth amd she screamed "AAuuurrghhghgh!" we laughed as blood poured from her face and we continues to kick her and stabbed her with nives becase we hate her.

Soon she was dead and no amount of moisturizer could heal hear and me and Rose laghed are asses of. But then we heard Daleks cumming and shouting "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE" So we ran back to the Tadris as fast as possible. Then I was in suck a hurray I did'nt pay enouf attention to where I warnted to go and when we stepped out of the TARDIS we looked around confused.

We were in some kind of forrest and it was cloudy and foggy and cool. Then I herd a scream, and this ugly girl runs up to us crying. "what is it?" Rose asked in a 'I don't give a shit' way,  
>"You killed my boyfriend!" the girl screamed. Me and Rose looked around and saw a blood coming from under the TADRIS. My hearts sank "OH my TADRIS!" I shouted, shoked, I could see leggs sicking out from undre the TARDIS too. The girl continued to cry "You killed my EDWARD!" she sobbed sadly.<br>Rose started to giggle mechanically "We killed Edward Cullen" she said happily "Whos that?" I asked confused "Hes from this book-" she passed "wait, how are we in a book?" she aksed.

I scarchet my head "I dont know, maybe this is some alternate dimeseian? I mean we cant relly be in a BOOK..." my heats sank again and i ran into the Tradis again, I tried to go elsweyr but the Tardis wouldn't work.

"Oh shit fuck fuck shit BITCH" I said. "What?" Rose asked like the dumb bitch she was "Were stuck heir!" I cryed angrily I wanted to slap her for no reson, but instead I went outside and slapped Bella who was still sobbing over Deadward.

"What the fuck was that for!" Bella screamed, snot and tiers running down her fugly face. "You know what it was!" I shouted "You HAVE to know what's going on here! You MUST! You Must be a Sontaran in disquise but not a good disquise because you look just like one!"

Bella looked at him astonished "HOW DID YOU KNOW!" She screamed, she pulled out a lazer gun from her back, her diquise failing and returning to her real form and shot at me, she shot Rose instead and Rose screamed and fell to the ground. I ran behind a tree, Bella the Sontaran was shouting "COME OUT YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" She yelled, she shot Rose again who cried out in agony. I giggled like a schoolgirl but luckly Bella didn't here.

I snuck around, pulling out my sonic screwdriver, I cam up behind Bella and shanked her in the vent on the back of her neck with my screwdriver and she died. I walked up to Rose who was laying their crying in pain, "It hurts! IT HURTS!" sie wined in a annoying manner, so I used my powers to heal her so she would shut the fuck up. "Thank you" She said "Your welcome" I said indifferently then we walked through the forrest to look for a way out since the Tardris was still broken.

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A/N: So what did you think? I hop you liked it! I'll post the next chapter reel soon! Maybe they'll find a way out of this nitemare…. Stay tuned! (:


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Wow, that was quik I just couldnt wait to post the next chapter! Here you go! c:

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We walked through the forrest amylessly for awile, wenn all of a sudden we were ambushed! My hearst starded racing as a gay with no shirt burts through the trees "WHY HAVE YOU KILLED BELLA!" He screamed angrily. "AWW SHITE ITS JACOB!" Rose shouted. "How the fuck did you know that you stupid blond bitch!?" Jacob shouted and truned into a wolf and attacked us. I quickly pulled out my revolver and shot him in the face. Jacob screamed "I loved Bella, why did you kill her?!" he sobbed and I shot him again in the head. "That takes care of that" I said putting my gun back in my jacket.

Me and Rose contuned through the forrest until we came across a clearing, I could see the sun in the sky AND WHOLLY SHIT IT HAD A FUCKING BABY FACE. I sheilded my eyes from the unholly whorer in the sky, and the sun GIGGLED HOLLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHYYYY! Rose started to cry.

We ran across the cheerful landscape covered in flowers and humping bunnys until we came across some odd building in the ground and we ran inside to hide from the horrible sun monster.

Inside where four brightly coloured aliens who giggled "Uh-Oh!" they said in unison and contuned to giggle creepily. "The fuck is this shit" I said looking at Rose inquisitavly "I think these are um... Teletubbies?" she said. "Their WHORRIBLE!" I shouted. Then the creepy little fucks offered us some tubbycustard and I looked at it threw it at the gay little basturds. The pink shit splattered all over them and they looked mad.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" They shouted together and stripped off their costumes, they were really...

DALEKS IN DISQUISE!

"OH MY TADRIS!" I shouted, Rose screamed "NOOOO!" and tryed running away but the door was locked. Adderallin coarsed through my vains, I tried using my sonic screwdriver to unlock the door but it dindt work.

The Daleks rolled towards us "DOCTOR, DOCTOR, WE MUST EXTERMINATE THE DOCTOR!" They all shouted. "Get back!" I yelled, I tried to think of what I should do. I started to panick.

"WE MUST EXTERMINATE... THE DOCTORS VIRGINITY!" The Daleks shouted. Wait, what the fuck? I thought to myself. Rose giggled "Your a virgin!" She teased. What a bitch. I made an mental note to myself to go back in time and kill Mickey later.

I heard clicking and a hissing sound and the Daleks armor opened revealing the squid-like creatures inside. They reached there tenticals tward us "THE DOCTOR IS SEXY, SO SEXY" they shouted, they stroked me and Rose with there tenticals, we tried slapping them away, but to no avale. There tenticals went under my cloths and I saw the same happen to Rose. I struggled to get away, "RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. WE WILL VIOLATE YOU!" I heard the Daleks say, there tenticals rubbed my nipples and I blushed because it was wierd not becase I liked it. Rose started crying and tried to scream but the Daleks stuffed a tentical in her mouth to shut her up. I felt a tentical trie to go down my underwire BUT THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

The door brust open and Jack Hotness-I mean Jack Harkness-(Lol why would I say Hotness Im not gay) came in looking sexy- I mean cool as ever.

"GET AWAY FROM THE DOCTOR AND THE BLONDE BITCH YOU PREVERTED ALIEN SQUIDS!" Jack yelled and pointed his lazer cannon at the Daleks and obliterated them in one shot.

The reminders of the tenticals fell to the floor at are feet. I sprung up cheerfully and walked up to Jack, ignoring Rose who was choking on a Dalek testicle.

Jack dropped his lazer cannon and put a strong arm around my shoulder, he smiled at me and I blushed (because I was exosted not gay, prevert.)

"Once agian I must save the damsel in distress," Jack said "And Rose, too" he added. "Hey!" I cryed, anoyed, I punched him arm. Jack just laughed and rubbes his arm "I'm just messing with you!" he said "your cute when your mad!" he added. 'GAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!' I thoght to myself, but at the same time was flattered (but not in a gay way!) "Uh, thank you. I guess" I said embreassed. "No problem!" Jack said happily.

After Rose stopped choking on the tentickle we all went outside and got in the TARDIS.

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A/N: Well that's over! ... FOR NOW. The next chaper is the works, it will be longer I think.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose went off to her room leaving me and JAck alone in the control room.

Jack looked at me "What would you have done if I hadn't shown up when I did?" Jack asked me seriously. "I. I don't know." I replied. I thought for a few moments. Jack Patiently waited for my answer. "I guess I would have been molested by Daleks?" I said, blushing, Jack was looking at me funny. "And how would that make you feel?" Jack asked. "Uhhhh..." I said, "Gross?" I offered sheepishly. "Mmhmm, I can see that..." he stepped closer and put his hand on my shoulder. My hearts fluttered. "And, my dear Doctor, how would you feel if I touched you the way they did?" I blushed and picked his hand off my shoulder like something disgusting piece of trash. "what the fuck, Jack?!" I asked, though when I thought about it it did sort of appeal to me... But no that's weird! Jack sighed "Damnit, Doctor. Why can't you remember?" he asked. "Remember what?" I asked, confused. "Remember BEFORE. Doctor. When you loved me..." Jack said trailing off. He looked hurt, and I felt more confused than before.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him. "You really don't remember, do you?" He asked "You don't remember our last kiss? It wasn't our first, and I don't want it to have been our last... Even if you do have a new face..." I looked at him in disbelief. What was he talking about? "I think I might vaguely remember that last one, before I regenerated... But I don't know! You're confusing me!" I cried, I was so confused right now, I looked at him in the face, into his blue eyes. It was like looking into his soul, I could tell he was serious, and I could feel SOMETHING there. Jack came closer "What if I reminded you?" he asked softly. I blushed red, 'oh fuck', I thought. 'I guess it couldn't hurt...' I thought to myself.  
>(What? I don't think it would make me gay just to try once, right?).<p>

"I. Um. Ok. But just a little one!" I said quickly. Jack smiled "As you command, my Time Lord" he said. He cupped my face in his hands, leaned forward and kissed me right on the mouth. My face turned bright red and my hearts began to race, Jacks lips were so warm and soft. Oh fuck. I liked it. I kissed him back awkwardly, I wasn't sure what to do, really. My arms hung uselessly at my sides.

Jack pulled back and looked at me "Well?" he asked. I smiled at him "I um. You can do that again. If you want, I mean." I said akwardly. Jack smiled "If you insist" he said and kissed me again. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

Just then Rose comes out of her room into the control room "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" she shouted. I glared at her, then pulled out my sonic screwdriver to open the TARDIS door and used the secret grav-pull function on my sonic screwdriver to throw her into the cold vacuum of space where she died. Jack smiled at me "Looks like we're all alone..." he said "We can do anything we want". "Yes I suppose we can" I said, giving a peck on the mouth "Let's go somewhere fun!" I said cheerfully. "Like your room?" Asked Jack. "Uh. NO." I said "not right now". "Aww..." whined Jack. I ignored him and messed around with the TARDIS controls. The Tardis shook around and whirred wildly. I ran towards the door "Race you!" I yelled. Jack ran after me, laughing. We raced to the door, I won because I had a head start. I opened the door and... "What the fuck?" I said surprised, looking at where we were. Jack looked surprised too, his mouth agape.

There we where, looking upon eine castle. But it wasn't just any castle. It was FUCKING HOGWARTS. We were on the edge of the forbidden forest. "Holy shit" I said. "This is NOT where I wanted to go... IT'S BETTER!"  
>"Is that... Hogwarts?" Jack asked astonished. "Yes, it is!" I said "I don't know what's happening heir, but screw it, this is a dream come true! Let's look around, maybe we can find some clues?". I was so excited, I am such a nerd. Hagrids house was nearby, so we walked over to it and opened the door. I immediately regretted my decision, because seconds later I sheilded my eyes from the unholy horror inside the house and slammed the door shut.<p>

"WAS THAT HAGRID AND DOBBY?!" I cried, looking at Jacks horror stricken face "HAVING SEX, YES. OH DEAR GOD!" he screamed. We both ran away, towards the castle.

Suddenly I bumped into someone. I looked and it was Harry Potter, and his friends Ron and Hermione. "DON'T GO OVER THERE!" I warned them. "Why the bloody hell not?" Harry asked. I attempted to regain my composure "You don't want to know" I told them. They just looked at me funny. "Who are you, anyway?" Hermione asked. I pulled out my wallet and showed them my Psychic paper. "Here, look at this" I said. "Says here he's from the Ministry. And his name is Jeff" Ron said.  
>"That's right," I said, "We're here on official business. Would you mind if we followed you around? I wouldn't want to miss a chance to observe one of Hogwart's star pupils" I added, looking at Hermione. Hermione beamed "Ok!" she said cheerfully<br>"What, why do you want this ponce following us around?" Ron asked, I glared at him. "No one asked for your opinion, Ron!" Hermione hissed. "Let's just do what Hermione wants" Said Harry. "Oh whatever" Ron agreed.

We walked around on the grounds, I was gushing like a psychotic fangirl, chatting it up with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. Jack just rolled his eyes and listened. When all of a sudden I heard a THUMP THUMP THUMP sound in the air. I looked up to see a fucking Hungarian Horntail fly in and land in front of us. "OH SHIT!" I cried, terrified. "It's ok" Said Harry. And I saw it was when the Dragon turned into a human boy around 16 by the looks of him. "It's just Wolfrem, he's an animagus" Harry said. I thought that was a stupid name.

Wolfrem Walked up to us, he looked oddly familiar, I couldn't place him though. "Hello" Wolfrem greeted us "I haven't seen you two around before, I'm Wolfrem Embers". "Hello Wolfrem" I said "I'm Jeff. And this is Jack" I motioned at Jack. "Good to meet you, Jeff and Jack" Wolfrem said. We all wandered around for a bit, I saw Dumbledore just chillin' in his underwear in the grass and waved at him. "Hey" Dumbledore said, using his wand so flick sparkles in the air.

Suddenly a wild Dolores Umbridge appeared! "What the hell are you doing, Dumbledore!" She cried. "What ever I want, bitch. Go fuck yourself" Dumbledore replied, flicking sparkles at her. "EXCUSE ME?!" Umbridge cried, furious.  
>"You aren't even supposed to be here!" She shouted. "So? I'm Albus fucking Dumbledore." Dumbledore replied, enraging Umbridge further. Umbridge looked at me and Jack "And who the fuck are you two?!" she cried.<br>"We're from the ministry!" I told her. "LIARS!" She shouted, pulling out her wand. Wolfrem pulled out his wand "avada kedavra!" He yelled. killing Umbridge instantly. Dumbledore laughed "FINALLY" he said, he made some confetti and candy appear.  
>We all gleefully celebrated Umbridges demise but all of a sudden we heard a Daleks voice shouting "EXTERMINATE. EXTERMINATE" 'OH SHIT!' I thought.<p>

We looked up to see a flying Dalek, riding on it was VOLDEMORT! OH GOD WHY!

Voldemort and the Dalek flew overhead and hovered there "Harry Potter!" Voldemort shouted "I've come to kill you, finally!" The Dalek spun its head around "EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE HARRY POTTER!" it shouted Voldemort lifted his wand and shouted "AVADA KEDAVRA!"

But nothing happened. I looked closer, it wasn't a wand in his hand, it was a twizzler! Voldemort looked at the twizzler in his hand "OH NOOOO! I FORGOT MY WAND!" He cried. Jack pointed his lazer cannon at Voldemort and the Dalek and shot them, the two of them exploded and died.

Everyone cheered "HOORAY!"

I smiled at Jack, and he smiled back. I surprised him by grabbing him and pulling him into a kiss. This was possibly the best day ever, if not for the part walking in on Hagrid and Dobby. Nasty.  
>The whole school celebrated with a feast, Jack being at the center of attention. Rose ate a bunch of candy and got sick, we laughed at her when she vomited on professor Snape. Snape just glared at her and left with Lucien Malfoy who was there too.<p>

We all said our goodbyes to everyone and got back in the TARDIS.

A/N: Well that was interesting! Stay tuned for the continued Adventures of The Doctor, Jack, and Rose! :)


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